Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
