I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
