just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
