I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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