I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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