I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I need to stop coming to work sober
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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