I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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