if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
