On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
