I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
