Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
