Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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