Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
