Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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