I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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