who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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