My friends, they love my intelligence
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
