It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I came so hard my ears popped.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
