Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
