If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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