My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
