I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
