pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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