R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
