And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
