How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
