whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
