I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
They have beer where we have blood.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
