I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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