a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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