Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
