We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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