accomplished twins. life is a go
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
