Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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