Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
tonight lets celebrate not being married
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
All the doctor said was why
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
