Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
