Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
