I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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