After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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