Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
