Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
