I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
should my penis look like a turkey
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
