i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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