Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Randomize
