Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
kristin has been a bad kristin
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Randomize
