on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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