I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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