I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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