He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
