i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
