I saw his package. It spoke to me.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
