Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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