I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
