Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
